Writers are neurotic. Don’t you think? I am, and it seems to me every other writer I’ve met – in person or by email – is as well. Often, we get swamped by self-doubt.
We ignore twenty great reviews and agonize over one bad one.
We check Amazon numbers even though everyone tells us they’re not a good indicator of anything at all. And when our ranking drops, we’re shattered.
With each book we write, we hit a point where we think our characters are stupid, our story is stupid and, most of all, we’re stupid and will never be able to turn this pile of c**p into a book.
How do we survive without slitting our wrists? [g]
That’s my question for today? What gets us through the bad times? (And hey, I won’t restrict the question to writers. If there’s anyone else out there who’s just as neurotic as we are, please feel free to answer.) Let’s share our tips, tell what keeps us motivated. Maybe we can learn something from each other.
Speaking for myself, there are a couple of things I try to remember when I’m wallowing in self-doubt:
1. I actually do know how to do what I do, and I can do it again [g].
2. I have good reasons for writing. I do it to bring the characters in my head to life, and to give readers something that entertains them, moves them, and maybe even makes them think.
I have a number of techniques that help me remember these things. One is to frame my book covers and hang them in my office, along with the awards my books have won. On my bookcase sits the vase of silk roses that my local RWA Chapters award for book sales. And something I plan to do is set up a scrapbook where I save little motivational items, so I can turn to them when I’m feeling down. Like, the contest judge who said, “Susan Lyons is one of my favorite writers.” Wow! The sailor who told me one of my characters reminded me of his wife, then shared the terrific story of how the two of them met. The readers who tell me that I gave them hope when I wrote about a plus-size woman finding a man who believes she’s truly beautiful. All these are reminders of why I do what I do – and that I do a halfway decent job of it too!
How about you? How do you keep yourself motivated, especially when you’re going through a period of self-doubt?
A common writers' mantra is "Butt in Chair", meaning that sitting down and actually writing is the only way to complete a book.
To my surprise, I recently sat my way to a weight gain of five (okay—eight) pounds during the writing of book 3, LYON, THE LORDS OF SATYR. The inactivity of sitting before a computer for the long hours necessary to fulfill my vision really packed it on. The fridge breaks didn't help. Once I realized I could not fit comfortably into my favorite jeans, a visit to the scales was in order. What a shocker that was. I reset the button twice thinking what I was seeing wasn't possible.
I'm calling it my "book weight" because it's similar to the "baby weight" new moms often work at shedding after giving birth. I figure books and babies are both acts of creation, though authors visit Fed Ex for their deliveries rather than hospitals.
The good news is I've lost most of my "book weight" by telling myself I can have that cookie any time--I don't have to eat it now when I'm trying to fit into my jeans. Still, I surprises me how easy it was to gain without even realizing what was happening. Just imagine if we gained five or ten pounds with every book we wrote. Yikes.
Elizabeth Amber NICHOLAS, THE LORDS OF SATYR (available now) RAINE, THE LORDS OF SATYR (March 08) erotic historical paranormal romance Kensington Aphrodisia for excerpts: www.elizabethamber.com
I've been writing seriously for publication since 2003, and on and off for many years before that. So, I've had quite a few chances to listen to different speakers, read books and be exposed to all manner of tips, tricks and learnings on the subject of writing.
What have I discovered?
One of my biggest pet peeves in the entire world, that's what. It irritates me more than a bra that rides up when someone says that if you don't write a certain way (usually THEIR way,) then you're doing it wrong.
Now, let me clarify that before all the purists spit out their morning coffee at the computer screen. As with every body of knowledge, there is the good, the bad and the questionable advice. Now, I'm not talking about the basics. For example, if you are writing a romance, your hero and heroine have to have their happily ever after - that's a given. If you aren't going to give them that, then what you're writing isn't romance. If you're writing erotic, you can't fade out at the bedroom door, and okay, you must must must have conflict, plot, big black moment and characterization etc. And yes, too many was/ing word combinations tend to make your writing passive and back story dumps usually aren't a good thing... You get the picture.
But what I'm talking about is the HOW, not the technique, necessarily. We must remember that what works for one person will NOT necessarily work for another.
I recently heard a speaker who was quite an accomplished author sit in a room full of fellow writers and tell them that if they aren't detailed plotters, they will never be successful - end of discussion. And she was quite hauty about it. Now, I'm a combo pantser/plotter and I've published several books. But even beyond that, I was sitting behind a USA Today and NYT Best Selling Author with dozens of books out who I know is not a detailed plotter. And just across the room was a RITA winning author who had also hit the USA Today lists several times, and again - she's not a detailed plotter either. So, I don't think the "will never be successful" was necessarily true. And even when these two women spoke up - the speaker sniffed disdainfully and said she stood by her statement.
I've also heard people say if you start out by publishing at an ePub, NY editors will NEVER look at your work. Hmmm, I started in ePubs and so did one of the two ladies I mentioned above, and I know dozens of others as well who are now published with New York. And most are still with ePubs as well. There are perks to both systems.
Then there was the speaker who told the crowd of mostly new writers that if they didn't write for at least forty hours a week, they would never get published. I remember that workshop well because the moderator spoke up. She is a multi-published, award-winning author who writes during her one hour lunch every day during the week and for four hours on Saturday and four hours on Sunday. She's written dozens of books that way. So, in only 13 hours a week, she's built a writing career.
I'm sure if you think back, all of you have seen examples of this. How many newbie writers have been scared off this path by those supposedly in the "know" telling them there is a better chance of them winning the lottery than them being published, or if they don't have some sort of degree in English, they can't write a novel or any of a thousand other things?
As you can tell, this is a hot button for me, and I grind my teeth every time I hear someone give an "absolute" like that. There are no absolutes in this business. Hell, even some of the "basics" I listed above aren't be all, end all absolutes. The business changes and morphs all the time and we need to run to catch up.
Here's my advice to newbie writers - write the book, however it works for you. Continue to learn everything you can about writing. Write, write, write, and make sure you take all advice with a grain of salt - even from those with successful careers. What worked for them, may not necessarily work for you. Go with your gut and finish the book! Then, shop it around, submit, submit, submit - and see what kind of feedback you get. That will give you an idea of what you need to change/fix, and always be leery of anyone giving you statements that are absolutes! And most of all - never ever give up. Don't let someone steal your dream!
Here's my advice for speakers - give others the benefit of your experience, but remember that their path to success may not be the same as yours. What works for you, may not work for them. And if you can't be motivational, uplifting and helpful to those you are speaking to - then why are you up there? They are there to find out what's in it for them, not to bask in your affluence and knowledge. Yes, speaking gets your name out there, but do you want to be remembered as the person who discouraged a new writer so much that they never tried? Or the writer who inspired them to try and succeed even in the face of what felt like insurmountable opposition? Think on this one long and hard. When we speak, when we blog, when we share our knowledge in any venue or any area, we are affecting others, sometimes more than we think.
Okay, stepping down from soap box now, and off to write. Hopefully, my rant gave you something to think about and go "hmmm." Also, I'm hoping I don't get flame mail from a bunch of speakers now...LOL!
I guess that should be one of the universal truths in life. It was something I definitely learned as I got older. I'm getting close to forty years old, and yet, I don't feel a whole lot different than I did in my twenties--except I can't stay out all night without paying for it the next day. But you know what I mean. Of course, I've grown, I'm matured, I'm more confident, but inside, being thirty-eight doesn't feel very different from all those other ages. In fact, I remember vividly all those stupid and really fun things I did when I was younger that I'm glad I did! I don't have a lot of regrets, because even those made me who I am today. And I'm definitely glad I had my wild and woolly days, so I can look back and laugh and enjoy them now that I'm a little more settled. (Except when I'm at RT, but hey, that shouldn't count...lol!)
Lately, I've found out how much this axiom applies to writing and writers. Now, I'm convinced writers are a very insecure breed of animal. I know each and every time I write a book, I'm afraid it's crap and that the public in general are going to gag when they read it. Then I'm pleasantly surprised when reviewers like it, it sells well and I get emails and letters from readers telling me they can't wait for the next book in the series. And it's not just whole books that suffer from this. Every time I finish a chapter and send it off to my critique group, I'm afraid they are going to come back and ask what the hell I'm thinking by sending them this drivel!
I know I'm not alone in this. I have friends who are NYT & USA Today Best Selling authors, as well as those who are just published and those who are pre published. And the universal truth is, all of them (or us, I should say) react the same way I mentioned in the paragraph above.
Don't get me wrong, we enjoy our successes. As for me, I'm a multi-published author with two pen names and a loyal and very vocal fan base. And it still makes me smile and my throat tighten with excitement every time I see my books on the shelf in a store. I'm very proud of what I've accomplished. Hell, I was too terrified to even begin writing for publication until 2003 when my husband told me to stop talking about it and just go do it. So, in a short time, I've accomplished a lot. I'm happy, I'm proud, I'm still plugging along and know I will continue to grow and improve as a writer. So what's my problem?
I think it's back to the axiom above. I don't feel any different. I know all these accomplishments are real, and yet, they don't feel different. My friend, the NYT and USA Today Best Seller concurs. Don't you think that when you get that call that you are on one or both of those lists that your life should change and you should feel like you've reached some sort of writing milestone? Hmmm. Well, apparently it's great and nice and all that, but it doesn't feel different. You don't suddenly feel like a "NYT or USA Today Best Selling Author," and you are still afraid your book isn't great when you're writing it. Although, there is then pressure to reach those marks with every book.
Things that make you go "hmmm."
I guess it's not just me who feels just a tad like an imposter about to be unmasked every time I sit down at a book signing.
So, if no matter how high we climb (or how much we accomplish), there we are, then it should take a lot of comparison pressures out of it.
I know authors who are constantly comparing themselves and their writing career to others. Some of them spend so much time doing this, I'm surprised they have time to write. It stresses them out and leaves them less creative energy to move forward with their own work.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Saint (and I'm not just referring to all that fun I had in my twenties...lol...and I must admit, my thirties have been pretty enjoyable too...) Now and then I glance at the people above me on sales lists etc and there is a twinge of longing, but I try to shut that down quickly. Comparison serves no purpose other than to undermine my confidence. My concentration should remain on what I can affect--namely, my books, my career and my experience.
Because remember, no matter how high they get or you get--there you are! You are going to be the same person!! Definitely proud of what you've accomplished, but it won't change you as a person. You won't suddenly become happier with your overall life because you hit a NYT Best Seller's list, or sold another series. You might for a night--especially if there is champagne involved, or while you're buying some new earrings with your advance, and you should celebrate! But you'll be disappointed if you think that these career milestones will suddenly turn your life into nirvana--happiness comes from the inside out, not the outside in.
So, at the risk of sounding like an after school special - be happy for the accomplishments of others, and be happy for your own accomplishments. Treasure both and enjoy the journey. Because the lasting memories will come from the work you did to get there, not necessarily the prize. (Although those are nice too!)
Two days ago I spoke to a college English class on Living The Life of a Writer: Is it Really All Glamour & Bon Bons?
Their questions and their enthusiasm really took me back to when I was sitting in those same seats, dreaming of one day holding my own book in my hands and seeing it on the shelves of a bookstore.
I do vividly remember sitting in an English class imagining how my life would be. Not really thinking I’d ever write full time, but figuring I would pen some novels on the side on breaks from my well-paying day job. Now to be honest, I did picture myself with pad and paper sitting on a sunny patio under an umbrella sipping some fruity drink while I wrote the next NYT Bestselling #1 hit book. The gentle breeze teasing my hair, while my hottie hubby was down swimming in the ocean, the water glistening off his six pack abs. Oh and did I mention I looked glamorous and hot and still weighed what I did in college—not to mention that body parts were still tight and firm and hadn’t moved South? (Ahh, the imagination of youth…LOL!)
Little did I know the reality would be far from the above. I AM actually writing full time, I gave up my well-paying day job so I COULD write full time. And I could NOT imagine writing my books in long hand—I have an intimate relationship with my laptop. No umbrella, fruity drink or patio overlooking the ocean, although I do have a pool in the backyard, but it’s usually too hot to sit out there to write. I DO have a hottie younger hubby, but he’s usually doing work on his computer or watching TV in the recliner rather than down swimming and being eye candy inspiration for me while I write! And let’s not even discuss the tight/firm body parts situation.
But strangely, I remember those youthful aspirations with a smile. Hey, at least I knew what myths I was out to bust with my talk to those college kids!
When I was in school, we never had an actual published author come and speak to us, but I remember the teachers answering my questions as best they could at the time. Although none of their answers really resembled the information I gave in my talk. Don’t get me wrong—all but one teacher really encouraged me to go after my dreams and write. And that one teacher was the one who told me I was a good writer, but no one would ever buy any of my books if all I wrote was that “weird” stuff (aka paranormal) threaded in with all that sarcasm! Well, lucky for me, I didn’t listen to her at all, because all of my books have both of those things in major doses. The rest of the teachers were all very supportive, and even if they didn’t quite believe I’d make it—never gave me that impression—or at least I don’t remember it.
Anyway, when I found myself in front of that college class, I wanted to present a true picture of what it is to be a writer—the money, the realities of the publishing biz, the deadlines, the legalities, the lifestyle—along with a huge dollop of motivation. And with every question and every answer, I tried to give them as many facts as possible without being discouraging.
I’ve heard too many talks over the years where someone seemed hell bent on making the masses think they could never have their dream, or that they were insane if they thought they could be that one in a crowd who actually finished a novel and got it published. And those people and their message always made me angry. Who are they to take away that hope from someone else?! (Can you tell that’s a hot button for me?)
I walked out of there a little nostalgic for my ignorance of old, but also oddly happy that despite all my delusions of youth, I’d made my dream come true. And even despite the things I remember and miss fondly (like the tight firm body) I’m happy with my life and very glad I never let anyone discourage me along the way. How funny to think I would be horrified if my thirty-eight-year-old self time traveled back to my seventeen-year-old self and told that poor girl what she was in store for, but from this side of the passage of time, it doesn’t look so bad. I think that actually proves the old adage that ignorance is bliss.
I’m curious to see what the kids thought—even if they hated the talk I brought bookmarks, buttons & chocolate—so who knows, maybe somewhere in between the snarkily-presented facts and answers and the bribery at the end, they learned something that will help them end up happily when they are ancient like me. (Don’t you all remember when you thought 30 was way past middle age?)
At the very least, it reminded me to appreciate where I’m at in life and to never take for granted what I have. Not bad for an hour spent…
A common writers' mantra is "Butt in Chair", meaning that sitting down and actually writing is the only way to complete a book.